My earthly family tree, hmmm!!! there is a lot of mess there and truth be told it scares me, it overshadows me.
Growing up was fun! even though mummy wasn't home, she visited. I knew there was something that wasn't right there but I could care-less back then (hey, I was a child and still innocent, well apart from the little lies I told, yes LITTLE! lol).
When I started secondary school, people looked at me with sympathy when they knew my parents were divorced. I still HATE these words "broken home" cause I heard a lot of it back then, to me everything was okay at home even though my parents weren't living together. I had to deal with the demons that hunted me about it personally, and then to hear everyone else say it outside affected me. Well, I always smiled about it but inside I was torn. I wanted what my friends had, a home with both parents, but this is the deal that I got instead........Things got worse as I entered university. Everyone started saying "no man would want to marry you, because you come from a broken home." **why do people think this way?** So I started thinking that I wasn't good enough, insecurities started. I felt that I would never be loved, I attributed every broken relationship to this. I believed that truly no man wanted me "for the long run" because I'm damaged goods.
I didn't ask for any of it, so far I have allowed it define me. Telling myself "maybe this is the path I have to walk also." Don't get me wrong! in the midst of all the mess, I AM GRATEFUL. This is because I am going to take the good and the bad and bring NEW LIFE! maybe, if I do so, I can move past the limitations and the ties that bind.
Growing up was fun! even though mummy wasn't home, she visited. I knew there was something that wasn't right there but I could care-less back then (hey, I was a child and still innocent, well apart from the little lies I told, yes LITTLE! lol).
When I started secondary school, people looked at me with sympathy when they knew my parents were divorced. I still HATE these words "broken home" cause I heard a lot of it back then, to me everything was okay at home even though my parents weren't living together. I had to deal with the demons that hunted me about it personally, and then to hear everyone else say it outside affected me. Well, I always smiled about it but inside I was torn. I wanted what my friends had, a home with both parents, but this is the deal that I got instead........Things got worse as I entered university. Everyone started saying "no man would want to marry you, because you come from a broken home." **why do people think this way?** So I started thinking that I wasn't good enough, insecurities started. I felt that I would never be loved, I attributed every broken relationship to this. I believed that truly no man wanted me "for the long run" because I'm damaged goods.
I didn't ask for any of it, so far I have allowed it define me. Telling myself "maybe this is the path I have to walk also." Don't get me wrong! in the midst of all the mess, I AM GRATEFUL. This is because I am going to take the good and the bad and bring NEW LIFE! maybe, if I do so, I can move past the limitations and the ties that bind.
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ReplyDeleteC'mon don't think like that Wina. You beautiful,strong and smart why would you feel insecure?? Happy you've snapped outta it cos being born into a family where both parents are together doesn't signify u gonna get true love from any man or not. So brace up and be you,keep your head up high and one day u'll smile real hard and all this will be history.
ReplyDeleteAlways remember this Wina, you cannot control what happens to/around you; its not your fault. However, it your responsibility to check how you react or respond to what happens to/around you. Its not your fault that your parents broke up, neither is your fault that the society is stuck in an unchallenged mental process. But its your responsibility to determine to rise above all those bandwagon theories and be the best you could be. Tell yourself always, "I am responsible", "it is my response-ability"! Never explain, never complain! Luvya soul sis-NeoDavida
ReplyDeleteI dare say its more of spiritual than physical, prayers,personal commitment and faith should help. Besides,there is hardly any family tree without mess. Be optimistic
ReplyDeleteSpiritual? Really?
DeleteReligion and all it postulates is a bloody facade...wake up, Dianabasi.