HOW I DEAL WITH HURT.

Another reason why i opened this blog was because.....i shut people out when i have serious issues i don't know how to talk about it, i don't know how to pretend and look happy and act as if all is well in my world when all isn't soooooo that is why herdiarytoday is here so that i can post it here. People are different and people handle things in different ways some drink, smoke weed, party, get angry with the world etc i simply shut people out. So i don't understand when am being blamed for wanting to be on my own especially this period, i don't have anything to be happy about talk-less of being  good company right now. Its either you accept me this way or don't this is me.

Dear Jesus.

I know i have made mistakes in my life, some of them because i was careless some of them not intentional but i am trying to make the best out of my life and right all the wrongs, this is my second chance at redeeming my mistakes please Jesus don't depart from me now, see me through and let everything work out let me find favour in your sight go before me my Father and Lord in Jesus name Amen. 

MY FETISH

I am beginning to think that washing my feet and legs often is really my fetish , cause i have an excessive and irrational commitment to it. I am always washing my feet and legs every time especially if i am cooking or cleaning or doing anything domestic, i pause every now and then go to the bathroom. There has to be a name for this somewhere but so far i am okay with it. Now to the problem, i am in a friend's house and i have been cooking and i really wanna go wash my feet and legs cause am feeling uncomfortable since i have been here for hours now and i have'nt washed them *covering my face** but then he is going to think am weird and looking weird is not on my agenda so instead i write about it here. :) . Okay its not working gotta go wash my feet and legs. Laters

Ranting

It beats me when i see people derive happiness in hurting others and seeing others sad, its like they feed on the sadness. The people am nicest to, hurts me most. Well am done i think its time to start being really mean after all no one here has my best interest the way i have theirs. 

Limits

Some people take advantage of friendship, you just gotta know the right thing to say and stop mocking someone and acting dumb about it YES we are budddies but you shuld know by now when to stop the HURTFUL playful words, its not funny all the time. I refuse to be upset this evening i have a lot to be grateful for. God is my father and He is on the throne i will never be put to shame. This just made my decision way easier please Jesus be with me every step of the way and provide for me. Amen.

Tamar Braxton - All The Way Home

My Girl Tamar!! YEA SHE DID THAT... lol  Am a #tamatian

OMG

Sometimes we wish we could un see some things..... i don't know how but i tried to log in to facebook and another persons facebook opened and its someone i know and she is cheating on someone i know. Yes i read her inbox am human so you cant really blame me. But what beats me is that this lady in question is one of these holier than thou girls, you know the very good girls that wanna throw up if they hear a girl has 2 bfs. Oh Edwina learn not to open everything now am stuck with knowing but cant talk syndrome.  ( A syndrome i made up)
 Knowing but cant talk means : Knowing a dirty secret but can't say anything cause of the person/ persons involved.
Chai!!!

My Soul Mate

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

Aww wook at za babee! NORTH WEST

She is sooooo beautiful, looks more like kanye than kim but she will def be a beauty.

Dr. Victor Olaiya - Baby Mi Da (Baby Jowo) remix ft 2Face Idibia (Offici...

LMAO

 

HAHHAHAHAHAHA, I like Kendrick but COMMON'!!!!!!!!!! Last time i check Jay wasn't moving outta New york.

Straight Up.....

GYM ASAP

I had been struggling with my weight its a constant battle, i workout, diet then fall off the wagon start all over again..... Well i need to start again 'HOLD UP' am not outta proportion i can still hold myself but for health reasons i need to really reduce. So back to this morning i woke up with severe pain in my left leg all the way from my thigh down to my feet, walking is almost impossible the pain is really bad i cant describe the pain but i think that's my body telling me "girl you gotta hit the gym" 

Na God.

So lately as everyone who has read my past post knows that she, me, her has been dealing with a lot of B.S not wanting to sound like a broken record well here is the latest on her (me) life. God has stepped in and am writing this here as a testimony cause the bible says in Rev 12-11 " And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb, and by the word of their testimony'' As a christian and someone who owes it all to Jesus. I am thanking Him cause He has started his good works in my life.
PRAISE JESUS!!

Forgiveness

Do we truly forgive? We all know the definition of forgiveness and when we get hurt the person who caused the hurt apologises and we say "oh yea I have forgiven you" let's fast forward time. 6 years you are talking to a buddy and then from no where you bring up past issues and then you talk about the hurt, Your face clearly shows that you are still hurt and 6 years back you said you had forgiven. So this is my question why do we remember the hurt? Why does the pain linger even when we had forgiven? Should'nt we forget and not talk about it? Another one is truly forgiving yourself over a silly mistake you made ages ago. What really is forgiveness without forgetting? Am not one of them girls that throw hurtful words to people once the open their mouths to talk BUT once in a while she gets upset and she says things she should not have said that happens once in 10 years. Instead i count 1 - 100 in my mind instead of talking back cause i know that even when we say we have forgiven it takes the special grace of God to forget esp for us girls, and word can break or make a person. If any one reads this post and i had done something to hurt you, directly or indirectly i am truly sorry please forgive and forget.  

My Unexpected trip to Perhentian Islands‎ / Summer Lovin'

My friend called me and was like "Are you free? its my man's birthday tomorrow and we wanna go to Perhentian Island and stay there for 3 days are you game? Of course i was so free the air would be jealous. (lol) So we went with her boo and his friends.

MY GOD IS AWESOME PASTOR CHARLES JENKINS

 Lately i have been going thru a alot but i decided to stop worrying and let God. I feel so good already i am healed. Praise Jesus

TGT - I Need

I could listen to this song forever.

L-life I-is F-fuckin E-exhausting

Another reason I opened this blog. Whenever am dealing with problems I shut myself out I keep it to myself and lock up, that's because I feel friends wouldn't understand cause people always see me as someone with no issues the rest sees me as someone with a lotta of issues and I don't know why these things happen but I think over the years I have become a master in dealing with things on my own and being alone but I am tired of being strong for myself I need someone to be there for me, someone to help me deal with these issues, now the real problem is how do I open up? They few people I open up too always find a way causing more pain than being there. The good thing now is that I can write down how I feel here and be a lil relieved. ( I hope) 

Space.......

Lately all the B.S going on in my life has really ruined all of my relationships with my friends and some family members even my sister that I talk to all the time I can't even talk to her. How much can 1girl take? Every time I find peace and a little happiness something really bad happens and takes away the sunshine. Now my friends are asking if they should give me space to deal with whatever it is that am going thru and the one friend i actually told had to come up with something to hurt me more, so basically i dont have anyone to talk to or lean on during this trying period. I wish i could believe or pray my faith is all gone am so sick of living. Am standing in the sun but surrounded by darkness, its so hard to reach out to the light.

Ritual

Recently I started a morning ritual. Lime/ lemon in a glass of warm water every morning. As we grow older we need to take care of ourselves more cause our body doesn't work the way it used to when we were much younger. Hahaha okay am sounding really old but the health benefits are awesome. So I am recommending a slice of lemon or lime in a glass of warm water every morning before breakfast to whoever reads this post.
Laters. 

Alcohol ASAP

Moments like this made herdairytoday created cause it would kinda strange to write it down in a book form diary. I am going thru serious b.s life is really crazy and it keeps dealing with me over and over and over, it finds ways of surprising me more and more. As a Christian I am going to believe and hope for the best I don't know about my faith cause to be honest it's really been difficult. All the sameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I will survive.

Thank you Jesus.

I just got the worst news, my whole life is about to change I am broken and shattered and all I can think of is the story of joesph from the bible. I don't think am going to have any more tears left in me after tonight. I have thought of everything I can think of and I have a feeling the my blood pressure is rocket high right now. At least I can write down how I feel here. Once again Thank you Jesus because there has to be a bigger picture that I can't see here yet cause I refused to believe that You would let me down like this not possible Your promise are greater than this. 

Copy that!!

Matters of the heart

When does a heart stop breaking?

When does one stop loving their true love?

How many true loves can one heart handle?

Why does the heart wants what it can't have?

Why does it hurt so bad?

When does the heart finally decide to stop hurting?

How do we let go even when we reach the peak and there is no more to climb?

Matters of the heart will always be complicated, we can only put one foot in front of the other till we learn to walk faster and run eventually.

     Pearl Thorn.

Pelangi Utama condo, block F

So one of my flat mate just told me that he is heartbroken, I have never tried to hold myself from laughing out loud in a long time..... Common how can a guy with all the girls in this world be heartbroken? I really need someone to explain this to me. Hahahahaha 

Talia Joy Castellano Tribute Song by @RealGospelBoys

You inspired me a lot, truth be told i opened this blog because of you i was so touched by your strength, Your were such a beautiful soul. Rest in peace Talia Joy you are now among the angels.

Wahala dey.

For the past 2 days I have been thinking a lot about my height, lol (funny) but I have a feeling that I keep growing taller and that's scary. I used to think I was 6ft tall but I met someone who is 6ft tall and am taller than the dude and today I met a girl who is 6ft.1 and I am taller than her so there is a possibility that I am 6ft.2 ( my Gawd!!!... Scary) its hard enough to find my shoe size talkless of a tall man. Nawao!!!! 

Sigh!!

They is a big gap between theory and practice, everyday I keep saying today is the day I hope today will be the day cause I really need to start running or jogging at least.

DEEP

"Everyone wants to love a friend but not everyone can stand the dirt of friendship and friendship without dirt is just a good business platform"
Unwana Umana

BACK!!!

I have been gone for way too long I have a lot to write so much happened and made me question my faith not just in God but in myself. It's really bad for one to lose faith in his/ her self cause in the end u have no choice but to be there for yourself. Hmm I need to buckle up.