So far 2015 has been uneventful, for the first time in two years I spent christmas and new year's eve back home, yay!! or so I thought it would be. Well it wasn't. This turned out to be the worst christmas and new year's eve ever.
What happened to christmas??
When I was little it was fun, you could literally smell christmas in the air. Before daddy stopped believing in christmas (haha) we would have christmas decorations all round the house, the house was filled with cards, we had gifts and he wasn't too strict during christmas lol. The food smelled good too. We had visitors coming in all day, family visiting from far and wide. I used to look forward to christmas.
All that stopped when he joined church of Christ (yes, they don't believe in christmas there) even at that we could still feel the joy cause family still came, the food still smelt good and christmasey lol and we still kept our new years eve tradition, we would cook, set the table, daddy would bring out exotic wines, we would play card games (mostly canesta) with him, while some of us would watch a movie, 30mins to new year we would pray, stop just in time and start the count down to the next year, Once we entered the new year, we would throw fire crackers, daddy would shoot a new years celebratory gunfire then we would eat, dance and drink to the new year.
Sweet Memories :)
However, this year, new year's eve sucked..... Yes I spent it in church (don't get me wrong oh, I loved every bit of it) but I really missed my father this holiday more than ever, not because of the new year's tradition oh, but for some strange reasons I felt empty, I just needed to talk to him. Even with my friends and family being around I still wanted my father's company. I wanted to feel really loved, I know my sister's love me and my friends love/ like me or not lol, but I wanted to feel that selfless love that only parents could give. I really wanted to tell him that underneath the charade that I was really unhappy. Since that wasn't going to happen (cause daddy is dead) I just kept the charade and christmas and new year passed.
Now I'm looking forward to school resuming so that I can throw myself into school work.
What happened to christmas??
When I was little it was fun, you could literally smell christmas in the air. Before daddy stopped believing in christmas (haha) we would have christmas decorations all round the house, the house was filled with cards, we had gifts and he wasn't too strict during christmas lol. The food smelled good too. We had visitors coming in all day, family visiting from far and wide. I used to look forward to christmas.
All that stopped when he joined church of Christ (yes, they don't believe in christmas there) even at that we could still feel the joy cause family still came, the food still smelt good and christmasey lol and we still kept our new years eve tradition, we would cook, set the table, daddy would bring out exotic wines, we would play card games (mostly canesta) with him, while some of us would watch a movie, 30mins to new year we would pray, stop just in time and start the count down to the next year, Once we entered the new year, we would throw fire crackers, daddy would shoot a new years celebratory gunfire then we would eat, dance and drink to the new year.
Sweet Memories :)
However, this year, new year's eve sucked..... Yes I spent it in church (don't get me wrong oh, I loved every bit of it) but I really missed my father this holiday more than ever, not because of the new year's tradition oh, but for some strange reasons I felt empty, I just needed to talk to him. Even with my friends and family being around I still wanted my father's company. I wanted to feel really loved, I know my sister's love me and my friends love/ like me or not lol, but I wanted to feel that selfless love that only parents could give. I really wanted to tell him that underneath the charade that I was really unhappy. Since that wasn't going to happen (cause daddy is dead) I just kept the charade and christmas and new year passed.
Now I'm looking forward to school resuming so that I can throw myself into school work.
Poor you, I understand the way you felt during the festive season. 2014 is past so you have to focus on this year's expectations and work harder, I bet you this year's christmas will be more exciting.
ReplyDeleteI know that nostalgic feelings about Xmas, actually it never changed, but I did, i lost my innocence and Xmas became strange. Now I accept it, so brace up and like you have mentioned, put up the show and pour the frustration on school work. You may also decide to raise beautiful young Wina(s) to celebrate next Xmas with.
ReplyDeleteAwwww I understand how you felt ,like you were lonely and your life is empty . Sweetie just know he's in a good place and be happy . Imagine he sees who you've become ... Also you can take it upon yourself to continue the Christmas / New Years eve celebration and bring the family together and celebrate that way you will still feel loved ... Happy new year darling
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. Though my dad is still alive, I just wasn't feeling it too. My advice is 4u 2 keep putting on that charade till it becomes the real thing and a part of you. Nice piece though. It is not well but it will be. I can smell it like u used to smell. Xmas
ReplyDeleteseriously,thought i was the only one.it was so bad that i could not even call people to wish them happy new year i even snapped at my bro.All i can say is God knows how to handle everyone thru moments that dont make sense.relax n enjoy 2015.Cheers
ReplyDelete